Punch Up: “To Me My ❌-Men”

Chapter Thirteen:

1954 & 1984

April, 1954, Patsy and her Pals Vol. 1 No. 8 by Morris Weiss + Stan

January, 1984, Defenders No. 130 by Zeck, Cirocco, DeMulder, Scheele, J. Chiang, DeMatteis + Potts & Nocenti

February, 1984, Defenders No. 131 by Kupperberg, Glynis, J. Chiang, DeMatteis, Gillis + Potts

Mixtape track: Taki Rare by Yam Sumac; Panama by Van Halen; & Michael Caine by Madness

Chapter 13 of “to me my ❌-Men,” where we check in with Hank, Warren, and Bobby, as they prep for their regular pool party scene.

Previously on “to me my ❌-Men,” where we have established and will continue to make inroads with the superhero roommate situational comedy, called the Defenders, through once upon a time roommates, WWIII, Candy, Matt, Kyle (who we got through Tom dressing up as in his home in Rutland).

There will be more.

While, where in the pages of an actual ❌-Men comic, we get into the meat of the story in 1984, but I spend time to acknowledge the storytelling contributions of Pencilers thus far. And in doing so I elude to others contributions and undercut John Byrne a bit, for being one note. Also, Kitty was nearly married and the Morlocks are alright.

Patsy Walker, her family home, in Montclair, New Jersey, is one of the Defenders key residence, is as essential to Marvel as Peter Parker. Though indirect in this reading of our story the Defenders continues to present relevance on background. It seems only fair that we note, her establishment role in all this as a romance comic a Marvel comic, a superhero comic that has ties to mutants. Mutants who are core to our story. Specifically WWIII. If at the end of “to me my ❌-Men,” we expand the list of roomates we would begin to see this a list that is familiar. And all the sudden the grounding elements the Defenders touch on provides stability and support for the entity of the story. While they also establish a note of familiarity with the elements which stretch our belief in this being of the same world building.

So we place it here, elements of cartooning, which inform these comics, in support of our reading.

Morris Weiss’s cover is so influential on me, I aped it for a cover of Ben’s. You will notice I pull in another reference from this telling of our story.

Ben’s by Ben Cohen

After our luring cover with a joke about talking about boys, we are presented with a family home. Is it in Montclair, NJ? As a comics reader I posses agency to leap to this conclusion. And so I do.

Patsy and Buzz are in a tiff about his paths crossing with Hedy Wolf. While him “mowing her lawn,” is likely innocent, we aren’t letting this comic get away that easy. We are calling it out: innuendo for oral sex.

“power mower”

and he just fell in a ditch.

WUMP!!

Oh this comic is nasty!

Iwao Takamoto’s Muttley

Buzz got hurt trying to keep up with the local workmen.

Patsy’s Dad tells her a story about a local hero that disappeared. She then runs into Buzz who fabricates a similar story and Patsy assumes he is the mysterious local hero. She gets the paper and Mayer involved. The he runs into the actual hero, Ritchie Rudichuk. Only, because body shaming and body image is fucked up, his girlfriend was “reducing” and so Ritchie doesn’t want anyone to know it was him…as it took place outside the Soda Shop…and she had…gasp…ice cream.

Only Buzz can’t let it go…and has the paper write a retraction.

Now Patsy is pissed at him…for life. hah.

It didn’t last a panel. She calls him a hero for being honest…and he hightails it out of there.

The structures of these issues are great. It something that I have employed and many of my heroes do. You can see the influence of this era on Los Hernandez Bros for example. A few pages in, we are now in a story that features Hedy Wolfe.

Hedy picks up a pic that falls out of Patsy’s books and shows it to Buzz…because…scandal…it isn’t Buzz.

Buzz goes to confront the guy whose picture it is, only Patsy has set him up. It’s fun convolutions that result in Buzz getting pissed. So it works, until Buzz asks Hedy out, as he thinks Patsy is two timing him.

It results in a Scooby-Doo explanation and a dance floor confrontation.

Wendy Parker gets her pages, where she is staying home for sniffles. Only her Dad keeps telling folks and they keep interrupting her restful day. So she takes the next day off to rest up.

Patsy is back again, with a proto-SKA dress on, but the story is about her hair. So there is another lawnmower reference. Hehe. More dance partner drama.

You get the idea.

While we left off the main plot amongst the Morlocks, with a relatively happy ending to Kitty and Caliban, we are bringing here with a catch up on Candy and Warren. Candy had previously been spending her time white Warren when he is not being crucified in preparation for his own forced betrothal to a Morlock, or bleeding out on a motel rug with Dazzler. Candy had her own little adventure with another lady and Kurt and a bathtub.

The cover reveals Valkyrie. Whom we all know, but is making her first appearance in this seemingly random telling of the -Men.

“And In The End!” begins with two Defenders/Avengers Valkyrie and Moondragon holding on to a rocket that is on takeoff, because the Defenders does comics the right way!

Oh we are in Nor Cal. So this happened near by when I was 9.

The layouts by Zeck are reminiscent of Neal Adams early 70’s ❌-Men. It pure octane, by angles. They trying to overt world war three. Very 1984. This was our reality constantly.

Marvel really fails us with folks doing villainy, in part because of costume design, and also because motivations.

Two of the three original ❌-Men we love, who are all on the Defenders, are joined by fellow roommate/superhero Gargoyle. The two with wings my to save their falling housemates.

The third ❌-Men sets up an ice shoot. Hank is at the bottom to catch them. So now we know that Bobby, Warren, and Hank still hang. Great news.

The five cohabitants are joined by two other super women, Seraph and Cloud. Best guess is Moondragon, Valkyrie, and Iceman didn’t provide enough sexual innuendoes.

Villainy v roommates fight…but it’s really quick and nearly painless, despite villainy not having a decent tailor. The art is actually excellent.

Haha, Nick Fury and SHIELD are to late.

There is a bunch of espionage chatter, because definitely some double agents are present…and it’s the Cold War.

The roommate don’t exactly trust each other…been there.

And so they head to…oh right…they don’t live at the Walker’s anymore (see Defenders when it was excellent!)…the Rocky Mountain estate of WWIII in New Mexico.

WHAT?! That’s Angel’s initials.

Oh that was an Avengers Quinn jet they totaled. Oops.

Oh and the reference the thankful defunct Champions.

Warren thinks Hank is right, that the Defender are a darn good team. Oh buddy, Hanks rarely right! Also, you are not a team. These are your housemates.

Candy is there and an even dumber villainy is afoot.

Fight fight!

Damn, Moondragon just destroyed his mind.

Awkward

Candy is at her drafting table.

They make out. Some minor drama.

And the essential Beast jumping in the pool, smiling ending. Well, not Moondragon, cause drama.

This Beast, Iceman, Angel in this specific pool…that is the reason for this issue. It sets a scene, that will pay off.

IF THIS BE WALRUS…!

Works in the dark zaniness we will need to work with as we have a long road where it tries to nock us off our game. These connective tissues have a plasticity that when pulled will hold and bounce back. It’s best to go with it and not become ridged. That’s how you get nocked off your spot.

Kupperberg, DeMatteis and Gillis are the flip side of a coin that has Morris Weiss on the other side. But both are just surface dwellers. The heart of this is still tethered and ground “to me my ❌-Men,” storytelling. You will appreciate this testing of your resolve when we get to the middle and second half of the story. I am not suggesting we yuk it up, be caught up in romantic drama, or be kinky all the time. Just saying, Frank Miller can make you over serious, and self important if you don’t watch yourself. This is comics.

The rending of Hubert Carpenter strapped up in an experiment by his Uncle Humbert below is compelling, as it is highly skilled cartooning by Kupperberg and Glynis. The Frankensteins Monster moment results in super strength etc…and Hubert takes this moment to go to the record shop and take his pseudonym from The Beatles. Thus the Walrus is born.

His Uncle sends him to test against an easy arch. As they are just roommates; the defenders.

Also, location inspires, as they are on campus. Prof Hank is holding court with coeds. Gross. His lecture is attracting another arch. Frog-Man. He springs from an audience and so the Defenders (❌-Men) spring into action.

Meanwhile back at the pool in the Rockies, the rest of the Defenders have their pot stirred by their fellow member, Moondragon.

As Walrus has busted up a Kwikkee Burger, before heading to lecture hall. Frog-Man had stolen his moment. So he escalates the moment with significant effect. Distruction of property and disturbance of peace gets Hank in hot water with the Dean.

The writing is on the wall for these three E-❌-Men.