Punch Up: “To Me My ❌-Men”
Chapter Nineteen:
1984
November, 1984, New Mutants No. 21 by Sienkiewicz, G. Wein, Orzechowksi, Buhalis, Claremont + Nocenti
Mixtape track: Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths
Chapter 19 of “to me my ❌-Men,” in which the New Mutants assemble Agatha All Along style.
Previously on “to me my ❌-Men,” Marvel Universe Sexiest Person Alive debuts, we are introduced to his weapon, and get more time with Val and Raven. AND Scott and Jean’s supposed daughter is attacked by a supposed demon huntres, only to be saved by an X-team lead by Chuck…pretty far fetched.
Here we have a Deadly Double-Sized Issue, with a crazed Warlock in the corner box and team shot of Wolfsbane Rahne, Magik Illyana, Magma Amara, Canonball Sam, and Sunspot Roberto AKA Bobby, for obviously we aren’t just posing, it’s Slumber Party time!
*oh and in the lower left of the cover Spidy in his black costume. Meaning two things: Peter is still ‘The Brand’ and the Symbiote is alone his.
Local kids sneaking around at night trying to find the party. Yapping in hushed tones. I miss this fun.
Double splash page of the party. Our first reference to Weezie (Louise…the editor…Walt’s future wife, Byrne’s possible crush, Chris’s friend, in Bill’s orbit…eventually someone I got to learn from). Boombox is centered, but modest.
Illyana had a few friends over to celebrate Dani back from the hospital in a wheelchair. Early days on the PT. Illyana is impressed that Dani has a ranch with Buffalo and Cowboys.
Meanwhile, the towny mean girls are gossipy about the school being weird, so few kids, Rahne being so young, and of course they are weird…hello Marci…foreigner students. Lauri is the lead bitch, Jenny is the number two, and Marci the toad.
Oh and Chuck creeps them out because he is a creep.
Lockheed stalks from the shadows.
Actual meanwhile Magneto is sideswiped by a flying warlock headed for earth. Or maybe Magento’s space situation is totalled.
Back at the party they are talking celeb crushes.
We got a timely Tom Selleck mention here. I think that is Buckaroo Banzai…well they have similar facial structure…I can’t place it. Sting of course (Bill adapts Dune). And Micheal Jackson.
In ‘84, in 4th and 5th there would constant talk fawning over Micheal, except Rose. Rose was all about Prince. Rose was right.
Felix the cat, joins Fozzy Bear and our stuffy friends at Chucks School for gifted youngsters.
Magma is struggling to hold it together, the vapid pop culture is unnerving her Roman Empire cultural perspective.
There is an earthquake, so of course there is a Diana saying she thought got away from that when she left SF.
Uh oh the townies are mean girl targeting Rahne.
Illyana is in on it…and then makes it worse.
Meanwhile, outside Roberto and Sam are talking baseball. While sure we talked baseball, this party is so basic. I would be looking for the exit right after walking in.
Speaking of Sam, who gets a crush on everyone, sees Rahne after Illyana forcibly puts lipstick on her, and now he is al about her.
Kitty and Pete, now this.
Rahne turns into a werewolf and gut punches him saying she hates him.
Charles Schulz’s
A Charlie Brown Christmas
Oh wow…it’s a girls only party.
And we have reached Agatha All Along Ep. 5
“The spirits are about to speak”
Apparently when they get witch level at the party Lockheed can hang.
Boys night swim.
Gene Roddenberry’s Star Trek: The Animated Series
Warlock lands on the water and looks like another symbotic blob.
They take him inside and he unfolds into his zany self.
He seeks energy and formats himself to access the wall socket.
Which flips the breakers off.
The girls have no idea, they are in the attic doing witchcraft.
They summon a Djinn…oops.
Lockheed sense an actual problem and flys off.
Good dragon!
Warlock v Lockheed…
“Weezie what was that?!”
“The roar of a very angry little dragon.”
Illyana uses soul sword against Worlock and now all but her right arm and left leg are armored.
She teleports in a Limbo creature for back up.
And Warlock simply turns it into something like them. Which makes Illyana think Warlock is a vampire demon.
Illyana teleports herself after reluctantly teleporting Lockheed, Kitty will be mad she thinks.
The fighting and party keep going until, Warlock corners Dani and she makes them think them Dad is there and Warlock books it.
Towny nerd girls are tragic. WOW this is awkward.
Now the limbo demon is scaring them…but they kinda don’t get it.
Warlock found the real computers underground. Doing their thing!
Doug is there. Shows up out of nowhere. And since they are now in the danger room control room and they have Kitty’s other best pal Doug there…he simply asks to use the computer…and nah…he and Warlock simply have a little meeting of the minds. Doug is “Close Encounter”ing..and now Rahne of all mutants is on board with also helping Warlock.
Magik is back with Lockheed and her space warrior outfit…oh uh oh Chuck is home! Everyone else is asleep. It’s a slumber party after all. Chuck’s pissed, but he can’t be rude…there is an alien guest to welcome.
Bonus pages of The New Mutants with descriptions about them. Sam looks like a proto Elektra Page and Bobby is Miami Vice sexy.
And so the team is formed. Sorry class roster is complete. Not a team. Not X-Men.
Next: Uncanny X-Men Vol. 1 No. 185
