Punch Up: “To Me My ❌-Men”
Chapter Eight:
1984
June, 1984 New Mutants No. 8 by S. Buscema, McLeod, Glynis, Orzechowski, Claremont + Louise
Mixtape track: Klossowski by John Zorn & Locus Solus
Chapter 8 of to me my ❌-Men, where new mutants are problematically presented, because comics.
Previously on “to me my ❌-Men,” where the school’s field trip destinations include, Limbo. At least this new title jump has the word Mutant in it. Nuff said.
Whenever I do this with either a complete telling of my version of Marvel comics (NO BEN, PLEASE DON’T!!!), or a She-Hulk one (AGAIN! HARD PASS), I will get into the Blonde Phantom’s explanation of time and ageing in Marvel. I am sure there are others in story. I mean of course because the Multiverse. The long and short is for you to age your comics have to be cancelled, otherwise time changes normally, but you remain the same.
For example Kitty joined in 1980, and here we are 1983 and I am pretty sure Kitty is still 13, not 16, being targeted for a kidnapping marriage to someone who clearly doesn’t spend enough time in story, otherwise this would be…nope still gross. And again to make things worse we aged up in hell her best friend from age 6 to 13…so they can be best friends and Kitty can cry on the shoulder of a 6 year old…sorry a half raised in the USSR and half in Hell fellow 13 year old.
Which brings us to Chuck’s latest kidnapped, sorry totally voluntarily dumped on his lap, teens, and he did not use his telepathy at all to convince anyone to make this so.
We would start on issue one, but other than hanging at 31 flavours in the Marvel Universe, I don’t think we missed much.
So here we are with the first cover that convinced me to pick up a random issue.
Haha, she doesn’t realise Sam is loosing. Haha. Comics are so dumb. I love them so much!!!! This McCloud cover is perfect. If I had picked it up in 1983 at age 8.
I wonder if I send in this Bubbilicious offer, what would be on this Maxell cassette mix? Honestly, probably worth it.
Getting that vibe we missed when Man-Thing showed up in an ❌-Men issue.
“The Amazon” how many colonizing comic books have started that way in the 140 years of comics before this splash title page?
A Scottish wolf named Rahne Sinclair walking the Amazon as a fish out of water, is as good an intro to the New Mutants as I could come up with.
WHAT!? She’s a MUTIE!!!
“boo”
“yikes”
She startles her friend Danielle Moonstar (the reason we are reading New Mutants). Kids being kids is nice. The Kids are Alright!
“Not far away.”*
*how to write comics continues.
A kid in that ridiculous pith helmet that screams colonialism, and his Appalachian white pal, Sam. Plot twist the kid in his pith, Bobby, is local.
Dani can manifest her imagination. So we have snow in the Amazon. I guess it only feels real to those immersed. Kinda like a 4D Apple Vision. Sounds like my nightmare.
Sam Guthrie flying through the jungle, doesn’t have his iconic look yet, but close. I love how cool looking (nearly) and dumb his power is at this stage. He stops by crashing and breaking a tree.
Calvin and Hobbes hasn’t debuted yet to warn them of climate change, and the need for the trees. It’s not 1985. But also and, it’s not 1990 when Sununu covers it up yet.
Roberto DaCosta, Bobby, calls Sam, “The Fool..” and turns into raw energy which is somehow, geniusly, a black humanoid form of a collection of inked Kirby dots. The visual reason we are reading this comic. POW. 💥He busts up the falling tree.
The kids check in with Chuck using a 📺 about the size of the one at my Mom’s in 1983. It has a camcorder and a small 📡 attached. Car phones existed since just after WWII, but I didn’t see one until my friend Todd showed me one in his Dad’s car in 1987. Cell phones had been around all my life, but I didn’t have one till 2001. So this seemed reasonable in the Amazon in a fictional comic book in 1983…no cell towers. What is weird still are the giant screens and super computers that all these super folks have. Like Chuck has the Bat computer. They all have one! Oh and an alien princes girlfriend, casually hanging around.
Chuck has Team America in the Danger Room.
The kids know Chuck is lying to them about someone named Shan’s death. Probably a kid he endangered and then lost. That would be my “total guess.”
And I quote: “I wonder if he’s trying to protect us?” -Dani
Now Claremont is a 33-year-old Boomer when he wrote this. So am I am reasonably sure he reads this as a sincere delivery. While I, his audience, a Gen❌er read it as deadpanned sarcasm.
Dani is absolutely saying it my way. We are the same generation.
“From what…” -Sam Oh Appalachia never change.
“…It doesn’t seem right for him not to trust us.”
Bless your heart Samual.
Bobby: “…we’re…❌-BABIES…”
So Claremont is 33, Sal is 47, and McLeod is 32…and “yes” teens go swimming in bikinis. Like there is a song about it from 1960, when Chris was 10, Sal was 24 (so zero excuses), and McLeod was 9. And sure a bunch of us (NOT CLOSE TO ALL) are under 18 reading this in 1983 or whatever. And comics have been pulling this move for darn near 140 years; TRADITION 🎶. So Dani jumping in the Amazon with only her skivvies on is not exactly weird in 1983 to the grown as men who made it, but it is for the children and exactly half of SM in the 21st Century.
The worry on the face of her friends can be interpreted differently from all kinds of perspectives. Sam saying, “ARE YOU CRAZY?!” too!
But the creepy man on the boat, watching this, thanks to the magic of comics, we can read what he’s thinking: “Hardly surprising it’s a hot day and the river is invitingly cool. The poor dear must be ignoring — or have forgotten— Professor DeCosta’s warning. Pity. The garbage in this slop bucket should stir things up. Enjoy your life, Menina. It’s about to end.” Like is said…creep.
Sam saves Dani, as a Sam would do. Crashing them into mud at the foot of indigenous women minding their own business. As Sam would do.
So now we have all the women on this side dressed like…ulp, my prude puritan ancestors are showing. Switching to Berkeley Cartoonist Jew mode. It’s fine. Have your read R. Crumb? Girl (and innocent Sam) Fight!
Thus the cover we bought.
Dani almost sounds disappointed in their lack of interest in violence. She handles them, as she is being raised by her colonialist oppressor, Chuck, to be a warrior, in a culture of violence. Don’t let the practical spears and shield fool you.
Damn, Dani calls the one Sam is clutching a “souvenir.” As a joke/turn of phrase. Who ever is mad…be mad. Whatever.
Indian calling Indian. I’ll allow…oh wait I have not right and neither does Claremont…oh wait it was 1983. We knew better, but SM didn’t force the issue.
I just work here.
Fighting on the boat amongst the crew and captain…about the mutant teens…ugh the is part is I guess why the book exists.
Bobby’s mom is white. I don’t think I knew that. The Professor knows a lot, just not the local dialect. Great!
They have kidnapped the actual local. I was afraid of one thing in 1983. Being kidnapped.
In Rio, Bobby’s Dad is hanging with his fellow Hell Fire Club member, Sebastian Shaw.
I guess Sebastian wants Emmanuel DeCosta to join the inner circle.
Sebastian acts as if he is not a mutant, but they speak openly about the New Mutants in this regard. They also are discussing how the boat with them and DeCosta’s crew are part of an exploratory party to expand and achieve a wealth empire for Bobby’s Dad.
Speaking of colonialism and violence GO JOE! Join COBRA!
Oh totally forgot, Dani is from my birth state, Colorado. She is comparing their “destination” the Madeira to the Rockies. Impressed as they arrive at the place Bobby’s Dad hopes to mine and develop.
Oh creepy guy is beating the kidnapped local. Rahne is hit too, but then she turns in the gutter between panels (HOW YOU DO IT!) and you can read the fear in creepies face. I wish this is how it ends.
But creepy runs yelling werewolf. They free the women, Amara. She knows Rahne’s name, “rain.” Who is now balling, as the creeps fear reminds her of the look in people’s eyes back home in Scotland when they saw her mutation.
Oh snap! Creepy sneak attacks. Rahne awakes bleeding. Bobby is the only other to awake. He turns into Kirby Dots. The crew is incapacitated. He mans the helm, but it’s comics to cliché fall over some falls the ship goes.
Sam saves Dani.
And Bobby.
Rahne saves herself as a werewolf.
And she saves Amara…who is…fucking comics a blonde white lady…not a coloring error! Who speaks English.
Bobby’s Mom doesn’t look like she made it, same with the crew. And now there Roman Imperials from two thousand years ago.
Ack! Let’s just close this issue and…
Next: Alpha Flight
