Punch Up: “To Me My ❌-Men”

Chapter Five:

January-March, 1983 The Uncanny X-Men by Smith, Claremont, Wiacek, Glynis, Orzechowski, + Louise

Uncanny X-Men No. 169 & 168 by Smith, Wiacek, Crespi, Sharon, Becton, Casey, Orzechowski + Louise

Mixtape track: Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics; Separate Ways by Journey; & Protect Me You by Sonic Youth

Chapter 5 of to me my ❌-Men where multiple pairings have critical moments in their histories and its 13 issue things solidifying into a historically excellent superhero comic drama (the most IMHO), and I am having fun jotting down reactive thoughts in realtime. Come on in…the water is nice. There are BUBBLES!

Previously on “to me my ❌-Men,” the Magik happened, but not where you think!

We have had Byrne, Cockrum, Anderson (guest), and now Smith pencils in the X-Men proper issues we have read. Cockrum’s impact is evident in his splash pages. Byrne kind hits just right in every panel, but this lack of variation reveals something too. Anderson’s pages were solid. Smith presents us with our most impactful cover yet. However, the iconic “Professor Xavier is a Jerk” page is not saved by Wiack, Wein, or Orzechowski. This is the single most important page in this story. It cuts the tether we have to the . It evicerates the big baddy, Charles Xavier. But this time, Paul doesn’t help with his pencils. Snow on the ground, outside the school, who is Kitty talking with?! Her person, of course! Ilyana Rasputina! We know how these two are getting on right off, because Ilyana is pushing back against Kitty as your person should. And an Alien is watching. Meanwhile inside, Logan and Kurt have their own version of this going. They debate the ethics of raising children at a school that actually teachers them war tactics. And speaking of the Jerk, he and his alien girlfriend are doing some PT. Later the 13 year olds are in dance class with Stevie. Ororo is outside doing her introspective nature walk. Kitty spends days trying to convince Chuck to let her a 13 year old be an X-Man. Meanwhile Lee and Scott are in the tropics. And then Kurt does a little BnE romantic gesture for Amanda. Kitty and her rubics cube are mumbling until Peter and Illyana distract her for a sec. But she is to studious. She finds an issue and decides to investigate on her own. Which has been something that has gone well previously.

She finds her alien spy, “Dragon.”

And then suddenly she and Lockheed (Dragon) are in battle with an alien ship thingy.

Peter helps, but really it’s Lockheed who saved that day. So he’s cool.

Scott had mentioned he was going home to Lee. He is meeting up with his lil’ bro Havoc and his Dad a Starjammer. So back home in Alaska without Lee, who he said he would come back to, they catch a plane. The pilot is named Madelyne Prior…and she looks like Scott’s dead girlfriend Jean.

Previously on to me my ❌-Men we have a, meanwhile in Canada, moment.

At one point I cared about Professor X. However, once Jay Edidin exposed me to the idea that Chuck was the villain, it improved what was already my favorite story so much there was no turning back. I wouldn’t say this souring towards Chuck affected my feelings of the other five original characters much. For one, I have grown to love “villains” more not less as I age. Chuck falls in a different category. Growing dislike. And I guess in a way that is true of the original five. But that is probably putting it to harshly in attempt at bluntness. Not my general approach. I favour fluidity and nuances. Originally, I might have preferred Hank. But retcons and external depictions have unfortunately bled into my view. Something I try to avoid. I still find moments of nostalgic feels and iconic quirk, but I have to reach for them. At best Hank has moments of effect on an issue or an arch, but is not a driving force or central character. I love Cyclops design at times. I respect those who love him. But the closer I get to know the character the more I am put off. I really do wish for the Summer brothers to be unburdened from their superhero role and context all together. It is an element within this story, that is a subplot I care about. I love Ice Man in three contexts. Spider-Man’a friend on a nostalgic children’s cartoon show. As a 21st Century queer plot I embrace and retcon integrate in a closeted way in my readings here. And as a sophomoric friend to Hank and Warren. The latter, which becomes the primary feeling.

In general I find the role and the depiction of Jean disgusting. She is asked to be all kinds of sickening roles for the male characters and misogyny characters, and then possessed (the excuse…not a fan of excuses), she creates genocide (pictured previously in the 70’s). She isn’t helped by her relationships with Scott, Chuck, Logan, or Hank. I really like her green and yellow color scheme. I genuinely like the time when she returns in early X-Factor, as she struggles as I am with all this. The one relationship that works for me is with Warren. I didn’t plan on having Warren Washington III, Angel as my most enduring and endearing original X-Men. But here we are. His costumes can be fun. He absolutely is iconic with his absurd wings. The irony of his station in life and many hats is not lost on me. He is simply a glue guy that represents so much of what I don’t love, and yet because of this he is unburdened from the needles drama of his team mates. He has been a bit whiny and certainly not with it so far, but that is a small dose conflict that sets this all up. He is a glue guy in my reading and I love a glue guy.

So if I do care, not saying I do, about an original X-Man, right now, I guess WWIII is the one(ish).

This entire reading of to me my ❌-Men is book ended by two iconic covers of an X-Men being crucified on an X like shape.

As I have said many times, I champion the Jeph Loeb one year, one creative team, limited series storytelling method. Ironically the historic 16 year Claremont run is my entire reason we are talking here. Only as being spelled out here, really I mean only half of that run is worth my celebration and care.

So it’s kind of interesting, a happy accident, kismet, that a dozen issues in (one year) we find this iconic cover of Angel crucified. And I just checked but a bakers dozen issues at the end of this will begin with another central character on a cover in a nearly identical position. I don’t know if this was intentional, but it feels like it is, and I will take it.

Ok let’s read and comment our way through 169 and 170, since we cannot sleep after falling asleep trying to do this earlier.

Candy Southern (see previous mentions), finding Warren’s feathers and nothing more is a classic horror set up. The phone call to Chuck gives that Scream vibe. Sunder plays his part perfectly. Paul Smith pages work maybe 25 percent of the time and these are some of those. The contrast of wealth gap and our cultural binary on beauty aesthetics is being set up perfectly. I love how I am being set up to side with the “monster” here.

Kurt is with Amanda Sefton. These comics try and be romance comics (again I am a fan…like my prefer Patsy is romance comic Patsy). But Chuck the creep interrupts the intimacy with his psychic floating head and calls for Kurt to superhero team. Amanda will be discussing boundaries with her therapist in the future.

Oh wow! Kurt teleports Candy back to the bathroom, and dumps her in the bubbles with a naked Amanda. I guess we can start discussing how Kurt has crazy moves. Plenty of room in the panel gutters and between pages for a threesome. Plenty billing opportunities for Psycho Analysis.

Speaking of pimps, Warren’s Hell Fire Club buddy, Sebastian Shaw, has a Bruce Wayne Light Book Case Passage Way, and his own lady this night, Tess has called on him. She is not subtle in dress.

Emma Frost is passed out, having become so in Tessa’s presence, baring a message of some sort. There is a bit of confusion on the culprit, as the most likely candidate is, according to Sebastian through gritted teeth, to high minded (yes) and honourable (no), to be it. Delicious.

Stop the presses…the X-Men are drinking coffee (take a drink…I realised that an iconic coffee moment took place in the 70’s…I pictured it previously).

They are all in Amanda’s apartment. This scene is hilarious!

Kitty is in her 100th costume change. One I like, the green and gold, with Lockheed wrapped around her neck…not a big deal. The big deal is the two women wrapped in blankets after the bath.

Pietro and Storm are just full on X-Men superheroing as soon as Peter places that coffee on the coffee table .

Logan is mentioned by Kurt. He is in Japan. Referencing my next chapter.

Ororo saves Amanda’s life probably, having her “watch” Candy.

Rehne Sinclair is referenced, as a tracker sub for Logan.

Chuck says no…he apparently cares about her, while it is fine that Kitty is out there risking her young teen life. Kitty gives the same speech to the little dragon. Lockheed calls bull shit.

So the X-Men put on their trench coats?!

The joke has been that Claremont in all his brilliance is to verbose…I can only read all this so many times in my life. YES YOU READING MY DRIVAL IS ABSOLUTELY SAVING YOU TIME!

The X-Men are following leads to the subway and bellow. Kitty is not feeling her code name and I think this will soon lead to the monicker Shadow Cat. Descending a stair well they are attacked from behind my locals.

In Who the X-Man? I mention that to me the most central character group in Marvel is the Morlocks.

I mention somewhere about my connection with unhoused peoples in Berkeley growing up and how that IRL formative years experience aligned with my reading of these comics.

So Caliban being introduced, Sunder’s intro (another Lenny/WB Yeti type) is literally now just a gang of folks falling all over the X-Men down stairs into the underground of NYC.

Masque is anxious to get their hands on them. The central cultural connective tissue coming from Masques handy work.

Callisto is unbothered by Kitty’s evasive powers, as a will get Kitty once solidified.

Smith’s figure renderings are rough here, but the environment and rats are wonderful.

Storm, Peter, and Kurt have lost track of Kitty. Again 13.

Caliban has caught up with Kitty.

Callisto has Warren on the X ish Crucifix.

Iconic Morlocks swarming panel. The fight is on.

Meanwhile, Kitty has been changed and awakes in the fancy digs available in this underground world. Caliban has her, as she feels faint.

Next ish.

Iconic Caliban and Ororo knife cover.

Scott and Madelyn, in Alaska, in their early part of the relationship. Next to Lee, this is Scott’s second best romance. Warren and Madelyn are destined to follow the fate of Jean, but for now they are stable figures in Scott’s fragile life (AND GREAT CHARACTER…to be ruined by costumes and other Icarus decisions)

Uh oh. A picture of Jean. Maddy is learning of Scott’s past. Not great. But at least the setting is ideal. I want to live in this home. I bet Warren has 12 of these.

Nice transition into the NYC underground.

Callisto plans to marry Warren.

Kurt has Callisto, but Plague has Ororo. A stand off.

Which is to say, the X-Men are being tied up.

Kitty is trying to negotiate with Caliban who is obsessed with her.

Kitty is passed out, causing Caliban distress.

We transition to Mystique who is having a nightmare about Mastermind and Hell Fire I think. Oh and Jean. Me too Girl!

Mystique is having her cute domesticated morning coffee (take a drink) with Irene (Destiny), who sees now that the future hinges on Rogue. Who is of course their child.

While in the 21st Century we get a better view and a more appropriate centring of this plot thread…it’s important to note…nay…essential to note that this relationship is here in full display and it is key to my ❌-Men reading. Pay attention to them.

Destiny is dismissive of Chuck’s importance. Hah! Vindication!

They reference a vendetta Rogue has with Dazzler (not Carol). So we should keep track of these bread crumbs.

Rogue is on a bus. Reminiscent of the nightmare Dazzler had of Rogue and her and her sister on a bus. This kinda works amazingly. Subtle. Rogue is just sitting there as one does on a bus ride.

Masque is playing with X-Faces…Ororo’s.

Things just unfolded in a complex cultural way. Caliban shows up with concern for Kitty. Callisto doesn’t care, as she is bound by her Morlocks code of conduct. For help to be offered the only way is for someone to beat Callisto in hand to hand combat and take leadership away from her. I think the comic does a better job of spelling this out. Read the comics.

It’s one of the single most important scenes in Marvel Comics. In three pages Ororo proves Callisto has misjudged the situation. Ororo is easily superior without her powers when it comes to a knife fight.

Storm is my favorite X-Men…and for a few years my favorite Marvel character. Sorry Kitty.

Ororo’s leadership deescalates and stabilises the mutant communities.

Scott and Maddy get engaged. WE ARE OFFICIALLY IN A WELL BALANCED BUT SERIOUS MUTANT DRAMA COMIC!

Next: Dazzler